Polly Dogood

A Modest Proposal for the Relief of Congress

Wherein the Author proposes that our Representatives be spared the Burden of their Duties, and then thinks better of it.

To the Readers of this Publick Blog,

May it please you to indulge a few Words from a Woman of no particular Station, who has lately observed that our Congress is very tired.

I do not say it unkindly. I have watched them these many months, and they have the look of a Man who carried a heavy Trunk up three flights of Stairs only to be told it belonged on the first Floor. They sigh. They furrow. They write Letters. Oh, the Letters! Not since my Great-Great-(and so forth)-Grandmother Silence wrote to the New-England Courant has so much Concern been committed to Paper. They are Deeply Concerned. They are Troubled. On occasion, when the Matter is very grave, they are Disappointed, and they say so in a Statement, and the Statement goes out on a Friday afternoon so as not to disturb anyone.

Having watched them labour so, I find my Heart moved to propose a Remedy.

The Framers, who were clever Men but did not foresee Cable News, wrote the Powers of Congress first. Article the First. Before the President, before the Courts. To Congress they gave the Purse, the Power to declare War, the Power to confirm or refuse the President's Appointments, the Power to investigate, and, in Extremity, the Power to remove him altogether. Mr. Madison explained the Arrangement plainly:

Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.

He imagined each Branch would guard its Powers the way a Cat guards a sunny Spot on the Floor. He did not imagine a Congress that would rather not.

So here is my modest Proposal. Let us relieve them of it entirely.

Let Congress hand the Purse to the President outright, and spare him the Inconvenience of asking. Let them hand over War as well, and save the Trouble of a Vote. Let Nominees be confirmed in bulk, by the Dozen, like Eggs. Let every Oversight Hearing be replaced by a single annual Letter of Concern, pre-written, to which each Member may add his Signature and a small Frowning Face. Think of the Savings! Think of the Hours recovered for Fundraising, and for appearing on Television to say that something Troubling has occurred and they will be Watching Closely.

I anticipate Objections, and I have answers for each.

Some will say the Party must be protected. Certainly. A Party is a delicate Thing, like a Soufflé, and must never be exposed to a cold Draft such as Principle. Better a Republick fall than a Majority wobble.

Some will say Deference is owed to the Office. Indeed it is, which is why the Office must never be asked a Question. The Framers fought a long and bloody War to be rid of a King, and I am sure they would be pleased to know we have kept the Manners.

Some will say the Norms will hold. I have studied Norms with some care. A Norm, as near as I can tell, is a Rule that only works on People who would have followed it anyway.

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I am told my Proposal is cruel. I confess I wrote it in a Temper. So here is the plainer Version, for those who prefer their Medicine without Sugar.

Whatever Party you call home, a Vote for Republicans for Congress this Cycle is a Vote for a President without Fetters. Not because every Republican wants a King... I am sure most do not. But a Majority that will not use the Powers it already holds is the same, in practice, as a Majority that has given them away. A Leash nobody picks up is not a Leash. It is a Decoration.

And I will say plainly: I would say the same of either Party, were the Roles reversed, and I hope my Descendants hold me to it. The Letter behind a Name on the Ballot matters a good deal less this Year than one Question: will this Person take back the People's Power and use it?

Concerned Letters, Deference to the Office, Party Games, the polite Upholding of Norms... these are fine Furniture for a peaceful House. They are poor Tools in a Fire. And a great many of us are standing in some Fire or other. The Rent. The Doctor's Bill. The Job that went away. The Grocer's Prices. The Neighbor who is frightened of the Mail. A Person in Crisis does not need a Representative who is Deeply Concerned. She needs one who will do the Business of the People, and not the Business of whoever bought the most Dinners.

So before the 3rd of November, ask every Candidate for Congress one Question, and do not accept a Statement in reply:

When the President oversteps, what will you do besides write to him?

If the Answer is a Letter, you have your Answer.

P.S. My Grandmother Silence wrote that there can be no publick Liberty without Freedom of Speech. I would add, with Respect, that Speech is the Alarm Bell. Somebody still has to come running.